How To Tell if You're an Adult

A list of what separates us from the animals, a.k.a. children.

We all know some childish adults. We also probably know a few kids who show wisdom beyond their years. I've broached the subject before, but I wanted to give more thought to the traits that make a person...not childish. 

So here they are. An unranked list of qualities befitting any productive member of society. I believe the more you have, the better protection you gain against the stress, uncertainty, and dread we all feel when life buckles our knees with a backdoor slider. How to tell if you're an adult:

Generalities

You're pleasant.

You wave to your neighbors whether you know them or not.

You're self-sufficient.

If it's broken, you at least try to fix it.

You're clean.

If you see a piece of trash, you pick it up and throw it out.

You're not unnecessarily unsafe.

When driving, you never tailgate.

You're civilized.

You don't commit any crime.

---

Finances

You don't shop.

You believe shopping is a necessity, not a hobby.

You're patient.

If you want to buy something you need, you wait a week. If you want to buy something you don't need, you wait a month.

You budget.

You calculate how much money you make per month and compare it to what you spend per month. You remove all expenses that aren't bills and save the rest, leaving only a tiny amount reserved for luxuries.

You're financially honest.

You understand all forms of entertainment and dining out are not bills. They're luxuries.

You're prepared.

You believe insurance is not a luxury. It's a bill.

You're humble.

You believe cars are for transportation, not status.

You're future-oriented.

You contribute to a 401k (if offered by your employer) and/or other retirement funds.

---

Responsibilities

You don't procrastinate.

You don't take care of it tomorrow. You don't take care of it today. You take care of it right now.

You remember.

When it has to be done at a certain time, you set an alarm for it.

You're thoughtful.

You send birthday cards. And you send birthday cards on time.

You're healthy.

You go to the doctor, dentist, and dermatologist annually, not just when you're unwell.

You're reliable.

You don't cancel appointments.

You're prompt.

You leave early so you get there early.

You're organized.

You understand how fickle the human brain is, so you make lists.

---

Relationships

You're selfless.

You know that some days don't belong to you.

You're complete.

You understand how much more you'll grow when you have a beneficial adversary to share your life with, so you have a spouse.

You're self-aware.

When something goes wrong, you find at least one thing you could have done differently to prevent it. 

You're present.

You don't let others catch you on your phone. See also: You're not on your phone. See also: Your phone isn't even out.

You're kind.

You understand that rudeness is a choice and no one else can make you rude.

You're level-headed...

You know that getting offended is an emotion but staying offended is a choice and no one else can make you stay offended.

...but not insensitive.

You know that on rare occasions, feeling offended is the appropriate response.

---

Balance

You're calm.

You understand that there is such a thing as normality, and it's better than it sounds.

You can disconnect.

You understand an unoccupied mind, a.k.a. boredom, is healthier than scrolling social media.

You're realistic.

You understand there's no such thing as "every time", "always", and "never".

---

I don’t know anyone who checks every box, but that’s to be expected. We’re imperfect. Some of these are easier than others, and some are nigh on impossible depending on your personality. But if you can latch on to at least a fistful of these, I think you’ll do okay.

---